The Battle of the Blurt Monster

I'm back to blogging after a weekend in San Diego spent with family. The occasion (a funeral for a relative) was sad, but it gave me the chance to spend time with family I haven't seen in years. My family is very spread out, and we try to reunite every couple of years for a big reunion in Cape Cod, Ma or Big Bear, Ca.

Anyway, I'm back home in Burbank, and was asleep, but an early-morning phone call got me out of my bed, and now i'm up tackling more work... and blogging. :-d For these twelve weeks, I consider blogging part of work, payment to be made to self. I've decided that nurturing my inner artist (ah the hippie/inner therapist in me rejoyces at those words) is a good investment.

Week one of the Artist's Way tackles several issues, and the first big one aside from morning pages and the artist date is... (maestro, fanfare please): ladies and Gents, may I present... the Blurt Monster! *horrid stench fills the room, and everyone present cringes in horror as an ape-like, grasping, slavering thing from your worst nightmares shuffles onto the stage, glaring malevolently about him from squinty watery eyes.* His modus operandi? Blurt, squish, roar. (Thanks, Seth for devising the mating call of the Blurt Monster... care to put eh Latin translation up? Like veni vidi vicci for the blurts?) :-d

(stage whisper): Blurt Monster is your subconscious if you're into psychobabble.

Blurts are negative things you say to yourself, especially during the process of creative expression.

Examples of blurts:
I just do this for fun, I'm not a professional
I'm not that good
I'm going to hurt people around me if I give all my time to art--it's selfish
I must have an ego problem if I think I can make something the world wants to see or hear
I'm too old/young to do this
So-and-so said I couldn't or shouldn't do this, so why do I still waste time with it?

Etc, Etc.

You get the idea. Remember that mental neighborhood I took you on a tour of in my first blog post? Blurts live there. They lurk in murky corners, waiting to see a pretty new virgin idea waltzing merrily down the street, alone and unguarded. They just love to pray upon unsuspecting young ideas, dragging them into the shadows and beating them until they're helpless, quivering lumps of fear and misery, with no life left in them. Blurts are ruthless, hungry, cunning brutes that feed upon destruction, and are hell-bent on keeping the streets they haunt dark and deserted, empty and unfriendly.

What do they get out of all this? Absolutely nothing--just another victim. They're not payed to destroy, nor are they after power, food, thievery or pleasure. They're just there to capture and torture good ideas.

Enter: The affirmation task force. These are mostly average little, ordinary-looking guys, over-worked, under-payed, a bit hard up and seldom responsible for the spectacular take-downs you see on the news. But they pride themselves on being a formidable force all the same. They valliantly face off against rampaging blurts, fighting with only there presence. They don't chase down the bad guys, go out in a blaze of glory, or carry ten zillion gadgets and gizmos on their belts to do their dirty work, they just rely on their constancy, and their existence.

Think back to chemistry or physics class. Yes, I know, we're all artists here. for some of us, saying we remember physics or chemistry is a big stretch. Some of us sat slouched in our chairs, daydreaming or doodling. And you were probably oggling that cheerleader in the front row with the dark hair, wishing you could--um--paint her portrait? Yeah, that's what they call it! A few of you were busy sizing up the nerd in the corner, wondering how much you'd have to shell out of your allowance to get him to do your history report, leaving you free to use your fake ID to slip into that bar downtown to jam with the new band and show them a few of your tunes...

"Hey, earth to artist!"

Oops. let's pay attention to the teacher for five minutes, shall we?

Ions are positively or negatively charged. A negative ion cancels out a positive ion. When the two come together, they unite, creating a whole of two particles--they bond. They can and do also repel each other. Where one exists, the other cannot be present. It has to leave. Just like our attention span...

It's like that with the blurts and the affirmations, except it's not a law of physics, it's something you have to work at. You are the employer of the affirmation force, but you are also the parent of the blurts. You don't punish the blurts, and their bad behavior and reckless habits prove that you have been more than lax in their discipline.

Yes, blurts are like teenagers. The longer they go unsupervised, the more trouble they find, but when you step in and set them straight by means of the blurt force and proper punishment for rule-breaking, they slowly begin to straighten up and fly right. Any good parent makes an effort to find out what goes on in a child's world... so let's take a look at the average evening in the life of a blurt.

The blurt monster is the ring-leader. One little blurt gets out on the street and reports back to the leader that a great victim approaches. Monster Blurt and his cronies all gather round, drooling and scratching themselves, sloshing their feet in the gutter puddles and spitting at the nearby boarded up shop windows.

and then they see her. Beautiful, vulnerable, alone, innocent. A fresh new idea, racing for the edge of the slum, eager to escape and make her way in the world...

The gang moves. They surround her. They appear out of the dark night like phantoms, just following at a distance, making chills race up Idea's backbone, making her brush hair out of her eyes and glance uncertainly over her shoulder. She trips on the uneven cobblestones and loses her footing for a moment.

That's the sign. they move in, closing ranks until she is encircled. She wrinkles her nose at the ripe odor of her attackers, and looks for a way to pass. They begin to tease and taunt her, calling her names, putting her down, all the while, tightening the circle. Then they begin their assault, kicking, punching, pinching, pulling hair... worse, much worse... if they are not stopped.

A patrol of affirmations turns the corner and sees the altercation ahead by the dim glow of captain Affirmation's flashlight. His stride becomes purposeful, and his partners fall into step behind him.

Captain A. jogs up the street, but in the commotion, none of the blurts notice the newcomer. Our good captain puts two fingers in his mouth, and whistles shrilly, causing several heads to turn, and a few pairs of piggy little eyes to widen in surprise and consternation.

"back off," Captain A. plants his feet, and stares down the nearest blurt. "What's your name, boy?" he asks the filthy street urchin.

"Name's Not-Enough-Money. What's it to you?" the boy scuffs his warn old shoe back and forth against a loose rock in the street in agitation, but his mutinous eyes lift to glare with defiance at the cop before him.

A slim young man dressed in worn jeans and a faded cap steps from behind Captain A, and holds up a badge. "Read it and weep, boys," he says slowly, pointing to the silver lettering on the badge. "My name's Sergeant Start-Small."

Not-Enough-Money's eyes widen in fear, and his blotchy face goes bloodless. He shudders violently, and raises a fist. behind him, a few blurts turn and shamble off up the street. Captain A. lets them go. He just doesn't have enough officers at the moment to catch all of them tonight. He'll settle for a few big ones. he wishes, not for the first time, that his force was bigger and that the budget allowed him to hire on more cops, and pay his officers more. Life on the good side is never a picnic.

Serg. Start-Small pulls out cuffs. He and Captain A. come forward and arrest the trembling perp. He begins to scream obscenities, but Serg. SS tapes his mouth shut and leads him away.

Captain A turns to the next scoundrel. "And your name?"

"Wher'm-I-gonna-find-the-time, you sodding piece of--"

Detective Make-Time flashes badge, pulls cuffs, and wrestles his opponent to the ground. Other officers find their targets and move in for the take-down.

The Affirmations finish their work and return to the station. Here's where things get dicey for our Captain and his men. They can't make many assault charges stick to these kids. You, as their indulgent parent will come down in the middle of the night to the jail and bail them out. They'll be back out on the prowl tomorrow, ready to make more trouble, unless you let what you've seen tonight motivate you. Now you know what really goes on; you're dillusions have been punctured. Take a good long look at the grim reality of the situation, and for the sake of the community, properly parent your children!

Meanwhile, the timid idea lies helpless where they left her, bloody and broken. Who will save her, or will she become an empty husk, a lifeless corpse left to rot there? Tune in tomorrow to find out.

Your assignment for today:

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: catch a blurt. Do a ride-along with Captain A and his team, and go out in your own mental neighborhood looking for your local blurt gang. See if you can apprehend them in the act of killing an idea. Take the blurt down with it's positive counterpart: I can'ts with I cans, I don'ts with I dos, I'm nots with I ams.

Don't forget to do the paperwork on your arrest when you get back to Affirmation HQ. File your report as a comment to me on the blog, or write it down wherever you keep your private thoughts, a journal, or your own Artist's Way notebook. Now that you caught your blurt (your thought) getting out of line, find some way to keep it from happening again. There might be a slip up or two, but go online, or talk to friends, and help your blurt with his homework. It keeps him off the street. Read an article about an 84-year-old grandmother publishing her first book, or a paralyzed college kid playing in the marching band. Listen to your friends' words of encouragement, and don't be afraid to let the blurt sit and stew in jail. It's called living with the consequences of your actions, and it's a mighty good lesson for a blurt to learn. Negativity only begets negativity, so make that wayward blurt-kid of yours mend his ways!

Good luck on your mission!